Sunday, September 25, 2011

Looking for the Snooze Button on My Biological Clock

I wasn’t the girl that really loved babies and couldn’t wait until I kids. In fact, through most of my early twenties, I didn’t even know if I wanted kids. Once I met my husband, I realized I eventually wanted a family, but it was not urgent. I always hated when people would ask us when we were going to have children, because for me marriage is about so much more than just popping out kids.

Then all of a sudden, about a year after I got married, I woke up one morning wanted to have a baby. (In full disclosure, I wasn’t really excited about the whole pregnancy and labor thing, but I was ready for the baby.) It was like a switch just went off in my brain. While mentally I was ready, the timing of the alarm on my biological clock sucked. I was about a semester into my doctoral program, which would take me at least 3 years to complete, and living 1,200 miles away from my husband. Not really the best time to bring a child into the world.

Fast forward a couple of years; I left my doctoral program and am living with my husband. These are both steps in the right direction, but we are still not in the best position to start a family. I just started a new job and we are working to rebuild some of the savings we spent during the time we were apart. Plus, we would like to have some quality time together since we didn’t get much of that the past couple of years. Realistically, it will probably be almost a year before we can think about trying to have a baby.

The thing that makes this even harder for me is that between our close friends and family, about 9 or 10 babies have been born in the past couple of years. I also have two very close friends that recently found out they are pregnant. I am super happy for them, but can’t help being a little jealous, which I feel guilty about.

I really wish that I could find the snooze button for my biological clock. I am happy I finally get the baby thing, but I really wish I wasn’t reminded of what I can’t have right now every time I see a baby at the grocery store or a Facebook update full of baby pictures. Until it is our time, I will focus on preparing my body for getting pregnant and troll baby blogs now and then.